Surrendering into Serenity

Surrendering into Serenity

(blog post from May 2014)

This is what I am faced with right now in my life's journey. While I'd like it to be different, I must allow myself to face the reality of what is happening -- when you surrender you release attachment to how you feel your life should be and invite yourself to be in the presence of your life exactly as it is. While naturally difficult to do, surrender is an act of courage. Dr. Alan Wolfelt

Picture of the family - all Aggie gradutes now.  I have no idea why the photographer had Kendall 'not quite' sit on Pantera in this picture :). 

 In the spring after my diagnosis actually around this time,  we travelled to UCLA for a consult with a specialist in Retinitis Pigmentosa.  In the gift shop at the UCLA Medical Center was a magnet with the Serenity Prayer. Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference.  At the time, it didn't mean a lot.  I was engaged and even though I was sitting in a retina specialist's office, blindness seemed far into the future. The message of Surrender began to come much sooner than I anticipated.  After I turned in my driver's license as a young mom,  I felt a heaviness and a sense of being alone.  I recognized that although I had wonderful support, Retinitis Pigmentosa was mine.  I had the choice on how to respond. The last of all human freedoms, the power to choose one own's way given any set of circumstances.  Victor Frankle  To bounce back and have joy in my life, I would need to surrender to the changes/losses that were happening as my vision continued to decline.  I could learn new ways to complete my education.  I could learn new ways to travel independently.  I could learn new ways to manage my home.  I could learn new ways to enjoy the activities that I loved to do. Although the world was going dark for me physically, I could create so much light in my life.  

Now years later looking back; joy, relationships, experiences, lessons learned have come into my life from surrendering to my life which includes Retinitis Pigmentosa. And yes, there are still days when I miss hopping in that car.

Right now I am experiencing a different surrendering.  I love to run.  I have some amazing friends that through the use of a tether are my guides.  I have run a marathon, many half-marathons and 10Ks.  One of my dreams has been to run the Boston Marathon.  I missed the qualification by 12 minutes at our last marathon.  Last year while training for a Marathon to qualify, I broke my foot.  This year we are six weeks out from a marathon.  I am experiencing IT band issues.  Is it time to surrender into serenity?  Not ready to surrender on this one ... searching to make sure I'm doing all I can in the process while trying to be still and listen to what is best.  Surrendering.  Searching.  Serenity. I'm in the space of sadness on this one.  I'll be there for a bit and then will be ready to surrender if that is what is needed.  My head knows there are many new dreams I can create if this one isn't a possibility. 

What has been your experience with surrendering into serenity? 

(**This was a blog post from May 2014.  Thankfully, through lots of work my foot healed, I qualified for Boston and am still running!  Grateful that was not something at this time I have had to surrender ... just times as an injury comes.)

Retreats for women who are blind/visually impaired

I am so thrilled to share our upcoming 2017 retreats for women who are blind and visually impaired.  I am so grateful to my colleagues:  Nicole Wall, a Certified Daring Way Facilitator as well as a LCMHC and Lisa Bradford, LCSW who will take us through this journey.

You can read all the details here:

Retreats for women who are blind/visually impaired

Last year our retreats filled up fast, so don't hesitate to email me with questions:  becky.lpc@gmail.com,

"Thriving" with Vision Loss

After a recent invite to talk on this topic again .. sharing a blog post from a few years ago on cruisinwithcricket.blogspot.com

Thriving with Retinitis Pigmentosa

Several years ago I had the opportunity to present on the topic Tools for Coping with Retinitis Pigmentosa in Chicago. I felt like I was sharing some positive tools in the adjustment process.   A few minutes into my presentation a woman spoke up and said something that I have always remembered.  I don't want to cope.  That sounds like I am just getting by.  I want to thrive.  I thanked her and wholeheartedly agree and shifted my presentation to thriving tools.

Today Cricket and I went to the Moran Eye Center for an eye exam.  I have incredible support in my home, but chose to go alone to this appointment.  It becomes a looong appointment by the time they do all the work and didn't want Steve to have to take a day off for this -- he has done so many, many times and will do so in the future many times, I'm sure.  I would much rather us be able to take the late afternoon off tomorrow and get on the bike.  Perhaps, that is thriving.

Some thoughts on the appointment today.   I sat in the waiting room with many other people visiting a retina specialist.  Spending all morning together we got to know each other infact, when one patient finished he said good bye to those of us in the waiting area.  I visited with one patient - his first visit just learning he had a degenerative eye disease.  I listened to his story and hopefully offered some hope that he would indeed thrive and continue to enjoy life.  His wife indicated to me -- you seem happy.  Perhaps, that is thriving.  Another woman had a friend that had RP and didn't know much about Guide Dogs - I offered my number to share and told her many stories of the joy of a guide dog.  Perhaps that is thriving.  We wished each other well as we went into our eye exam, back for photographs, over to get a visual field , or an injection.  It seemed we had a sense of understanding of what this journey was like and were cheering each other on.   We were thriving in our own way.  The retina specialist encouraged me to be healthy and active and take my omega-3.  He liked that I was running.  He liked that I was using my iphone when he came in the room :).  I shared some of the unique symptoms that I have been experiencing and he confirmed that is part of RP.  I liked that and felt validated.

The cab picked me up.   He was impressed with Cricket's ability to find the door.   He asked me about my eyes, and I said I had an eye disease called Retinitis Pigmentosa.  He said -- disease -- oh that's bad.  (It was funny because generally I don't use the word disease rather condition and after his reaction I know why!)  He was chatty and soon was telling me about he just had given up on his dreams.  I said - oh that's sad!  I encouraged him to not give up on his dreams!  He said he was here just making the best of each day.  I told him he was resilient.  He liked my word :).   I realized I missed a little bit my days of riding a cab frequently in the city.  As he dropped me off at Gateway in front of the cookie shop for a raspberry cookie I asked him to wait a minute.  Cricket and I ran in (well the best we can run in :) and bought him a raspberry cookie.

Time to crash for a bit after all those bright lights and various drops put in my eyes.  Perhaps it is thriving to also take some down time after an exhausting day :).

I wrote more about this experience in my book:  Look up, move forward.  

Marathon Run Dedicated to my Dad

As I put my race gear out for the morning, feel so much gratitude. Grateful for remarkable friends that run as my guides. Hard to put those thoughts into words. You are remarkable Alanna and such an example to me of courage, love, and service. (If you've read my book - Look up, move forward, this is the amazing Alanna I am running with tomorrow!).

We have planned and prepared and will show up and do our best. The weather outlook is scheduled to be beautiful and it's a nice course.

Each marathon has a story and a lesson learned and memories made for me. This is marathon #8.

This, the CIM marathon, is dedicated to my dad. He's running the marathon of cancer. It's not a marathon you sign up to do yet he continues to fight and share his gratitude and sense of humor. He is such an amazing example to me. He has always believed in me, makes me laugh, is such an example of optimism, kindness, goodness, and love. Some of my very first memories of running are with my dad.

When it gets hard tomorrow, I'm going to think of you dad. We can do hard things. When it is beautiful and fun. I'm going to think of you. We appreciate the beauty and joy in the day. When something is funny, I will think of you dad. We love to laugh together. When those last few miles seem like much more, I'll think of your optimism and belief in me and know that I can do it one step at a time. We will both keep on fighting one step at a time. ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

My shoes have tags on that say:
Life is a marathon not a sprint
Look up, move forward

Update:  We qualified for the Boston Marathon!!  Throughout the run I found myself reflecting on my dad a lot.  Dig deep was a frequent thought when it got tough.  Visualizing once again the amazing starting line of the Boston Marathon.  Singing the words to Sweet Caroline in my mind as I remembered this song playing the last time I was at the Boston Marathon.

The human spirit is stronger than anything that can happen to it.  CC Scott

Much love to my parents in this difficult marathon and love to all reading this in your tough marathons.  

Cheering you on!!  You got this!  

Advocating with my guide dog - The Mighty Article

It is wonderful to see this article I wrote being shared and shared:  When a store manager called the police

We keep on educating about the Americans with Disabilities Law .. it is there for us all.

EMDR Training - Becky Andrews, LCMHC

This past weekend I attended Part One of EMDR Training -- (emdr.com) Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing with my colleagues.  We were thrilled to see our good friend and former colleague Shanna Gwilliam there as well.  We are now EMDR Therapy Providers with further training ahead.  Super excited!!  

I wanted to post a few additional thoughts on my experience as a therapist who is blind.  I had called a few years ago about this additional training and had been told that it would be really hard to do as a blind therapist -- you need to be able to observe the client's eye movement I was told.  Okay I thought.   I was plenty busy in my therapy practice so didn't pursue further.  

Then, more recently I kept thinking again about this and had a dear friend who recommended it highly.   Our office had several calls requesting it and two of my colleagues were interested.  I called again and explained my situation.  This time, I was greeted with - no problem you can totally do it! What format would you like the information in?  I signed up!

As the instructor described the process and put her hand out to the side it took me back to being diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa and the doctor putting his hands out to the side .. how many fingers am I holding up?  I did not know!  I could not see his fingers.  In this training I shared this experience and even surprisingly shed some tears!  I learned that in the process as a client I could experience it through tapping rather than with the eye movement.  I experienced amazing supportive facilitators and fellow therapists in the training as I navigated the adaptive way for me to experience it.  I explained to the facilitator that I couldn't follow the eye movements of my clients.  Feeling a little nervous and for a moment reflecting back to the conversation when applying for grad school and the professor questioning my ability to do this work with a visual impairment.  I went up to the facilitator during the break and explained my situation.  I will always remember her response of reassurance and you can do this!  She asked me how I knew in my session what the client was experiencing and what was needed to process.  My amazing colleague who was by my side said -- she just knows - she has that intuition.  The facilitator said -- yes, you will have that in this process as well.  Simple reassurance that doing the process a little different would be just fine.  The past few days I have been incorporating this new process into my work with clients.  It is amazing and so grateful for starting on this journey on this additional training. 

As my colleague and I left the training, me still feeling a bit overwhelmed with the whole process, she said; I can't believe a few years ago they told you that you wouldn't be able to do this. You've totally got this!

Feeling not only grateful for this remarkable added training but for the incredible supportive people that surrounded me this weekend.  Excited for March and our next part in the journey.      

One day during lunch at this training we went to Pizza Rev - yummy pizza!  The manager told me I would need to sit in the outside seating because of my guide dog.  It was an interesting conversation as I explained the Americans with Disabilities Act and my right to be inside the restaurant.  She told me she had never heard of this law and would need to call their corporate office.  As she called corporate I sat down with my friends.  Somewhat unnerved that this experience was happening AGAIN.  No one was in at corporate on a Saturday and so she told me "I could stay there and she would call on Monday."   I tried again to explain to her it wasn't a corporate decision it was a law that my guide dog could enter any public place that I entered.  I came home and followed up with a letter and post to their facebook page.  Sometimes it is surprising where you get 'the chance' to educate.

Look up, move forward!

Featured on Momstrong Blog

So much fun to spend some time with Meg and be featured at:  Momstrong Blog